Shel's Blog: A Bad Joke

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Bad Joke

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

Have a good week!

Until next time -
~Shel

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Quote of the Day

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. David Russell

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works." and ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. Ronald Reagan.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. Albert Einstein

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. Albert Einstein

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. J.R.R. Tolkien

If we ccouldn't laugh, we would all go insane. Jimmy Buffett.

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K. Jerome.

I sometimes think that the saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities - a sense of humor and a sense of proportion. Franklin D. Roosevelt.

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Franklin D. Roosevelt, June 5, 1977.

A sincere congratulations to everybody out there who pays taxes in the United States. We just bought an insurance company. Jon Stewart 9/18/08.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. Robert Frost.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. Mark Twain.

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. Oprah Winfrey.

A good name, like good will, is got by many actions and lost by one. Lord Jeffery.

It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. Abraham Lincoln.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. Michael Pritchard.

I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine. Fritz Perls.

Luck is the residue of design. Branch Rickey (1881-1965).

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten second hand and without examination. Mark Twain.

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. Banjamin Disraeli.

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for. Dag Hammaskjold.

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900).

My superheroes don’t leap tall buildings, wear capes, or stop bullets with one hand. They bruise and bleed, and their superpowers are loving and listening.

-Abby Sciuto, NCIS

We are effectively destroying ourselves by violence masquerading as love. Ronnie D. Laing (1927 - 1989).

The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your actions will be. Katherine Mansfield (1888 - 1923)

He who believes in freedom of the will has never loved and never hated. Marie Von Ebner-Eschenback (1830 - 1916).

My advice is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate. Thornton Wilde.

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950).

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. Mark Twain.

A day without laughter is a day wasted. Charlie Chaplin.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place. Mark Twain (1835 – 1910).

Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. Mary Hirsch.

Humor is just another defense against the universe. Mel Brooks (1926 - ).

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865).

If you are going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill. (1874 - 1965).

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Gandhi. (1869-1948).

Be nice to people on your way up because you will meet 'em on your way down. Wilson Mizner.

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. Nietzsche (1844 - 1900).

I think you're lying. The spirits say your little pants are on fire. Shawn Spencer, psychic detective from Psych on USA Network.

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. Japanese Proverb

Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Ghandi (1869 - 1948).

All great truths begin as blasphemies. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950).

Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway. John Wayne (1907 - 1979).

Sex is like bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. Mae West (1893-1980).

Chaos is the score upon which reality is written. Henry Miller.

This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed. Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer referring to Buffy & the Scoobies.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962).

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. Lord Byron (1788-1824).

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965).

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess (1917 - 1993).

There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep. Homer, The Odyssey (800 B.C. - 700 B.C.)

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns (1896 - 1996).

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that is troublesome. Isaac Asimov (1920-1992).